


I Knew You Were Trouble

by khaleesiq



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-09-03
Packaged: 2017-12-25 13:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/953521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khaleesiq/pseuds/khaleesiq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick comes up with a brilliant plan for Liam to win over Zayn's heart and everything just kind of spirals out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Knew You Were Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is like 99% confused feelings and making everyone jealous and no one actually gets together until the very end. Also, there's literally no smut. Like at all. So if that's what you're looking for then I suggest you find it elsewhere. And just a heads-up, it's endgame ziam and larry.  
> Title taken from the song 'I Knew You Were Trouble' by Taylor Swift.

"Okay, well that's it for today," Nick says, wrapping up his show, "enjoy the rest of your day and I'll see you again tomorrow."

"Bye!" Liam says as the next hosts come in for their show. Nick hits play on the last song on their playlist before getting up and leaving the booth with Liam.

Liam's barely closed the door behind him before Nick's asking him, "You wanna come out with us tonight?"

"No thanks, I've got a lot of things to do tonight and--"

"C'mon Payne, you never come out with us," Nick insists.

"I'm always busy," Liam shrugs as they leave the building, the freezing wind blowing straight into their faces as soon as they open the door.

Nick sighs. "Is this about Zayn?"

Liam freezes and Nick stops as well, smirking at him. "Why would this be about Zayn?" Liam asks slowly.

"Please, Liam, I can see your boner for him from a mile away," Nick says.

They resume walking. "Is it really that obvious?" Liam says, flushing.

"You're just lucky that Zayn is the second most oblivious person in the world," Nick says.

"Who's the first?" Liam asks. Nick raises his eyebrows and Liam realizes who he's talking about. "Oh."

"You know, I heard the best way to get over someone is to find someone new," Nick says with a grin. "So come out with us tonight."

"I can't," Liam persists. "It's Friday, and Zayn and I are watching _Pretty Little Liars_ \--" Nick rolls his eyes at that. "--and he'll be upset with me if I don't stay home."

Nick groans. "You've got to be fucking kidding me, Liam. If it's not _Pretty Little Liars_ then it's _Supernatural_ , and if it's not _Supernatural_ then it's _Teen Wolf_ \--"

Liam cuts him off before Nick gets carried away listing off shows that he thinks are terrible but Liam and Zayn love. "Do you have a point, Nick?"

"My point is," Nick continues, "that you need to tell Zayn what's already completely obvious to him or you're going to end up with a broken heart."

"I'll end up with a broken heart if I tell him," Liam points out. He's thought about what would happen if he tells Zayn that he's been in love with him since he was thirteen a hundred times. He knows that Zayn will reject him in the nicest way possible in an attempt to spare Liam's feelings, but it will hurt and crush him anyway. Harry's told him that there's no way he can know whether he feels the same way about Liam, but Liam's positive that Zayn doesn't, otherwise he would've said something or shown Liam in some way by now, wouldn't he?

"Do you know what the best way to get over a broken heart is?" Nick asks.

"No, what is it?"

"To come out with me and the guys tonight."

Liam just rolls his eyes at him.

***

Liam finds Zayn sitting on the couch with Louis watching TV when he walks into his flat. "Hey Zayn. Louis, what are you doing here?"

Louis gestures to the screen. "Catching up on _Game of Thrones_."

Liam's eyes widen and he hurries over to the TV and shuts it off. Before Louis can ask what he's doing Liam explains, "No one watches _Game of Thrones_ when I'm around until I finish the books."

Zayn shakes his head while smiling fondly at him. "You've been trying to finish those books for two years now, Li. Winter will have come by the time you're finished!"

"It's your fault for making me read them!" Liam retorts, grinning. "If you had just let me watch the show like I wanted then we wouldn't have this problem."

"I'm not saying you should stop reading them, I'm just saying that you should read them faster," Zayn says, then pats the spot beside him on the couch. "Now c'mere, _Pretty Little Liars_ is about to start."

"And Louis is about to leave," Louis states, standing up from the couch. "You people sicken me."

Liam settles onto the couch and Louis heads for the door. Louis turns back around suddenly and says, "Oh! I almost forgot. Hazza invited us out tonight."

Liam is about to protest but then Zayn is saying, "Where?"

Liam turns to him, surprised and a bit annoyed. He can't believe that Zayn is actually considering going out when it's supposed to be _their_ night in. Then again, Zayn and Liam do tend to spend most of their nights staying home with each other, but it still hurts that Zayn considering ditching him.

Louis shrugs. "I don't know, some club that Harry's friend likes to go to. Niall and the girls are going too, so you guys should come."

"I'm all for it," Zayn says, then turns to Liam. "What about you, Li?"

Liam bites his lip because he doesn't want to be a selfish prick and tell Zayn that they can't go just so Liam can have him all to himself, but he also _really_ doesn't like going out. At all. So he decides to just say, "What about the show?" and hope that Zayn will think that spending time with Liam watching a shitty American TV show is more important.

Zayn disappoints him by saying, "We'll catch up on it later. C'mon, Li, we never go out."

Liam sighs. "Fine, we'll go."

"Brilliant," Louis says, his phone out and his fingers flying over the keys, "I'll text Haz and let him know you're coming."

Zayn stands up and starts for his room. He stops in front of the door suddenly and asks Liam, "Aren't you going to change?"

Liam frowns and looks down at the simple white t-shirt and sweatpants he had worn to the station. "I suppose I should, shouldn't I?"

Zayn chuckles and nods his head in the direction of Liam's room. "C'mon, I'll help you pick something out."

Half an hour-- and dozens of threats from Louis telling them to hurry the fuck up-- later, they're finally ready and are on their way to the club. As soon as they get inside Liam decides that he doesn't like it here. It's hot, stuffy, and way too crowded. Zayn must notice his look of displeasure (Liam wonders how that's even possible since it's so damn dark in here-- another thing he doesn't like about this place) because he leans in close and says right in Liam's ear, "Let's get a few drinks in you and then maybe you'll enjoy yourself better."

Liam shivers and thinks that there's something else he'd rather have in him than drinks.

"Over here!" someone calls loudly, and Liam can just barely make out Harry's curly hair over the hordes of people filling every inch of space in the club.

Louis leads them through the sweaty throng, trying to get to Harry, and Liam grabs Zayn's hand, telling himself that it's just so he doesn't get lost, but really he just loves the feel of Zayn's hand in his, and the way Zayn's fingers fit effortlessly in between the spaces of his own.

They reach Harry who's standing next to booth with Niall, his girlfriends Cher and Demi, and--

"Nick?" Liam gasps in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"You know Nick?" Harry questions, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, he's my cohost," Liam says slowly, wondering how they didn't know that or why he didn't know that Harry knows Nick. "Do you guys even listen to my show?"

Harry, Niall, Cher, and Demi all exchange a look while Louis says, "Zayn's tried to make me listen to it a couple of times but I fell asleep each time so..."

"It's alright, I get it," Nick says. "Liam's terribly boring to listen to, sometimes I wonder how I get through the entire hour." Nick grins at Liam who's scowling back at him. "So Liam, when were you going to introduce me to your friends, which also happen to be my friends."

"I'm so confused," Liam says. "Since when are you guys all friends?"

"Well I've hung out with him a couple of times because of Harry," Louis explains.

"Same here," chimes in Niall, with a nod from both Cher and Demi.

"Nick and I go _way_ back," Harry tells him.

"And I've never actually met him," Zayn says, sticking a hand out to Nick. "I'm Zayn, it's nice to finally meet you."

Nick shakes his hand quickly and then the realization hits him. "Oh," he says when it does, and then his lips curl up into a smirk. " _Oh._ "

Liam sighs. This is going to be a long night.

***

 

Liam's not drunk. A little tipsy maybe, but not drunk. Maybe if he was drunk he'd be letting loose and dancing with some random person in the middle of the club instead of glaring daggers at the girl that Zayn is dancing with from the booth.

"Maybe if you told him how you felt then he'd be dancing with you," Nick tells Liam.

Liam groans, wishing that it had been anyone but Nick left in the booth with him. But Harry was the first on out of the booth when his girlfriend Taylor-- who Louis absolutely despises-- had shown up, then it was Louis after he found some pretty girl with black hair to dance with (Liam knows it's to keep him from thinking about Harry, even though Louis denied that at once), and1 last was Niall with Cher and Demi when he claimed that Liam and Nick were much too boring for his taste.

"And maybe if you weren't such a prick you wouldn't be stuck in the booth with me," Liam retorts.

"Hmm, you're right," Nick replies before grinning. "You wanna dance with me, Liam?"

Liam rolls his eyes. "Fuck off, Nick."

Nick gasps and puts a hand on his chest. "You wound me, Payne. I'll have you know that I'm very desirable."

"Clearly," Liam snorts.

It's not that Liam dislikes Nick. In fact, he likes being around Nick; he's the funniest person that Liam knows. But sometimes he can be a bit annoying and rude. Like how earlier Nick was teasing Liam for his crush on Zayn _right in front of him_. Lucky for Liam Zayn didn't think Nick was being serious, but it bothered Liam nonetheless.

Louis comes up to them suddenly, black-haired girl in tow, and drunk off his ass. "Liam," Louis says giddily, holding his phone out to him, "take this and come to the bathroom with us."

"Why?" Liam asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I want you to film me and Selena having sex," Louis tells him bluntly.

Liam's eyes go so wide they nearly pop out of his head and Nick falls over in the booth from laughing so hard. "You can't be serious!" Liam splutters.

"We're dead serious," Louis says, and the girl-- Selena-- nods.

"I'm not filming your sex tape!" Liam yells.

"I think you should," Nick says smirking, "you never know, Louis could be the next Kim Kardashian."

"Exactly," Louis agrees. "And it'll show Harry that I don't give a fuck about him or that bitch he's dating."

"That's not fair, Lou, she's very nice," Liam says.

"I'll film it," Nick offers. Louis hands over his phone eagerly, but Liam intercepts it quickly.

"No," he says sternly, "I think we've all had enough for tonight. We're going home now."

"Oh come _on_ , Liam, don't be such a twat just because Louis' getting some and you're not," Nick teases.

Liam's face burns red and he grits his teeth as he slips out of the booth. "I'm going to find the others and we're going home." He starts to walk away but turns back around quickly to add, "And don't even _think_ about filming their sex tape while I'm gone, Nick."

Liam finds Niall first, making out with Cher in the back of the club ("Demi had to go home early," Niall had explained in a slurred voice, "she has a class first thing in the morning and she didn't want to be too hungover."). He finds Harry next talking to Taylor and some guy with orange hair. Well, Taylor and the other guy are talking, Harry looks more like a third wheel.

"It's time to go home, Haz," Liam says.

"Good idea, it's getting late," Harry says before getting Taylor's attention and letting her know that he's leaving. She waves a hand at him before turning back to the other guy.

"Do you know where Zayn is?" Liam asks Harry as they walk back to their booth where the others are waiting.

"Yeah, he went home early, said he wasn't feeling well," Harry tells him.

Liam frowns. If Zayn went home early why wouldn't he have told Liam? Liam thinks that maybe he left a message on his phone but there's nothing there when he goes to check it. He decides it's best to just ignore it and focus on getting everybody home safely and ask Zayn about it tomorrow.

He calls a cab for Louis, Niall, and Cher (Louis had tried to bring Selena along with him but Liam insisted that he'd just regret it in the morning) and Harry's giving Nick and Liam a ride since he only had one drink.

"Hey Liam," Harry calls out after he and Liam are done loading Nick into the car, "Zayn's your best mate."

"I know," Liam says, furrowing his brow, not really understanding what Harry's getting at.

"And he really cares about you," Harry continues.

"Okay..." Liam says slowly.

"Just keep that in mind," Harry says before they both get into the car.

Harry drops Nick off before he stops in front of Liam's building. He says goodnight to Liam, reminding him of what he said earlier, and Liam makes his way up to his flat. The flat is eerily quiet when he steps inside and he figures that Zayn is asleep. That is, until he hears a loud _thump_ come from Zayn's room.

Liam furrows his brow and walks over to Zayn's door, knocking on it softly. "You okay, Zayn?" he asks before pushing the door open. He immediately regrets that decision after he sees what's inside.

Apparently, the reason Zayn left earlier wasn't because he was feeling sick, if the girl he's currently having sex with on his bed is anything to go by.

"Shit," Liam gasps and Zayn looks up in surprise at him. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have--"

"Wait, Liam--" Zayn starts, backing away from the girl on the bed.

"I'm just going to-- erm-- bye," Liam stutters, shutting the door loudly behind him and stumbling out of the flat and down the stairs.

It's cold and he doesn't want to be outside right now. But he can't stay in the flat, not with his heartbreaking even though he _knows_ Zayn does this, and it's not like he has any claim on Zayn. But there's a difference between knowing something is happening and actually seeing it happen. And after Liam's seen it happen he can't even be mad at Zayn, it's not his fault that he walked in on Zayn, and all he can think now is, _Why couldn't that have been me?_

He walks to the nearest of his friends' flats which is only two blocks away. As he's nearing the flat the sadness and heartbreak over seeing Zayn and that girl is slowly turning into rage, and by the time he gets up to the flat and the door opens he's so angry that he's not exactly thinking straight when he grabs Nick's face and crashes their lips together.

Nick's eyes widen and he pushes Liam back, asking, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Liam ignores him, kicking the door closed and pushing Nick against it. But before Liam can kiss him again Nick stops him by slamming a hand over his mouth.

" _Liam_ ," Nick insists, "what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Right now? I'm kissing you," Liam tells him, then leans in close and whispers in his ear, "But soon I'm going to be fucking you."

Nick lets out a nervous laugh and pushes Liam away gently. "Yeah, that's not going to happen. Just talk to me, Liam."

"C'mon Nick, neither of us have gotten laid in a while so why not?" Liam says, pressing against Nick again.

"How do you even know that?" Nick says, rubbing a hand over his face, exasperated. "Is this about Zayn and that girl at the club?"

" _No_ ," Liam lies, but he can tell that Nick sees right through it.

"Let's talk about this, Liam," Nick says calmly.

" _Or_ we can show Zayn that I don't give a shit about him or that girl he's fucking," Liam says, sliding his hands under Nick's shirt.

"You'll regret this in the morning," Nick tells him.

"I know."

"You don't even like me that much."

"I know."

Nick sighs. "Go home, Liam, and talk to Zayn about this."

Liam shakes his head and now the anger he'd been feeling is dissipating and he can feel tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "I can't, Nick. He's there, with that girl, and he obviously doesn't care about me, and _fuck_ , it _hurts_."

Nick wraps his arms around Liam and Liam lets the tears fall down his cheeks. He can't be bothered to feel embarrassed about crying in front of Nick because he's tired and heartbroken and all his thoughts consist of are _Zayn Zayn Zayn_.

"It's okay, Liam," Nick comforts him, running a soothing hand over his back. "And... er-- fuck, I'm not good at this. Why couldn't you have chosen _anyone_ else to talk to about this?"

"You live the closest," Liam murmurs into Nick's chest.

"Of course I do," Nick mutters under his breath in an annoyed tone. "Alright, you can stay the night here. But only if you promise to talk to me about this in the morning, okay?"

Liam nods and steps away from Nick so that he can go get a pillow and blanket for Liam. As Liam's drifting to sleep on the couch he takes back every bad thing he's ever thought about Nick in the past.

***

Liam wakes up the next morning to Nick roughly poking him in the side and yelling in his face, "Get the fuck up, Payne."

Liam groans and opens his eyes. "What time is it?"

"It's a little past ten," Nick tells him and then throws Liam's phone on his chest. "I would've slept in if it weren't for your dumbass boyfriend calling you a hundred times. Seriously, Payne, if you're going to crash at someone's place against their will at least have the decency to put your phone on vibrate."

Liam frowns down at his phone and the seventeen missed calls he has from Zayn. "He's not my boyfriend. I thought I made that pretty clear."

"He's not your boyfriend _yet_ , but he will be," Nick says. At Liam's look of confusion he adds, "I have a plan. I thought of it last night as I was falling asleep."

"Okay..." Liam says, waiting for Nick to elaborate.

"You're going to date me," Nick states curtly.

Liam sits up fast, eyes widening. "Look, I know I tried to have sex with you last night, but I was upset, and I wasn't thinking straight. I don't _actually_ want to have sex with you much less _date_ you--"

"We're not going to date for real, Liam," Nick cuts him off with a roll of his eyes. "We're going to pretend to date to make Zayn jealous so he'll finally tell you that he's in love with you."

"Oh, yeah, that's a brilliant idea except it's never going to work because _Zayn is not in love with me_."

"We only have to do it for a little while just to _see_ if Zayn feels the same way," Nick assures him. "C'mon, Payne, it's not like you're ever going to tell him how you really feel so why not give this a shot?"

"Because it's crazy!" Liam says, standing up. "Thank you for letting me stay here last night, but I'm going to go home now and--"

"And what, Liam?" Nick interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest. "And tell Zayn how you really feel?"

"And _apologize_ for walking in on him last night," Liam says, heading for the door.

"The longer you wait to tell him about your feelings for him the more heartbroken you're going to get," Nick tells him. "If you're serious about him, then it's not going to get any easier."

Liam stops halfway out the door, because Nick is right. He has to do something about his feelings for Zayn soon or he's going to end up being a heartbroken mess in a few years. But he's not ready to tell Zayn; he doesn't think he can take the rejection. But pretending to date Nick? That's crazy. Like, a Louis-level of crazy. Although, it might be just crazy enough to work, and it's not like he has any other ideas.

Liam turns around and stares at Nick for a second before relenting with, "Fine, what do I need to do?"

***

"Where the hell have you been?" is the very first thing he's greeted with when he walks into his flat.

Liam shrugs off his coat and heads to the kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast while Zayn continues talking at him.

"I called you twenty times, Li," he says. "I had no fucking clue where you were and I was _worried_. I just want to talk to you about what happened last night. _Please_ , Liam, will you just look at me?"

Liam looks at him and says, "Seventeen."

Zayn's eyebrows come together in confusion. "What?"

"You said you called me twenty times," Liam clarifies, "but you only called me seventeen."

Zayn laughs. "Really? That's what you want to talk about right now? The fact that I rounded up instead of giving you an exact number?"

"No," Liam admits softly.

"Okay, so will you start by telling me where you ran off to last night?" Zayn asks.

"I spent the night with Nick," Liam tells him. Nick had been very specific in telling him to say " _with_ _Nick_ " rather than " _at Nick's_ ".

Zayn raises an eyebrow, like he can't quite believe that Liam would've gone to Nick of all people about this. "And did you tell him what happened?"

_Here goes nothing,_ Liam thinks before replying, "There wasn't a lot of talking going on between us, if you know what I mean."

Zayn goes tense but says, "No, I can't say that I do know what you mean."

Liam rolls his eyes as if it should be obvious, and says, as convincing as possible, "We had sex Zayn."

Zayn's eyes widen and his jaw literally drops. "You and _Nick_?"

Liam nods. "Yeah, we had a lot of alone time at the club last night and I realized what a great guy he was and how much I liked being around him and... well..." Liam trails off, smiling fondly.

"So if you went home with him last night what were you doing here?" Zayn asks.

"Oh, I was, erm..." Liam bites his lip, trying to think quickly on his feet. "I had to get a few things before I went over."

"Like what?" Zayn prods.

"Like lube," Liam blurts. Zayn raises his eyebrows high so Liam continues, "Yeah, Nick said that he, er, ran out so I had to run here and, erm, get mine."

"Right," Zayn says slowly, drawing out the "i". "So you and Nick are, like, dating now?"

"I guess so," Liam says. "I mean, we're going on a date tomorrow so..."

"Okay," Zayn says, "I'm happy for you both then. Excuse me, I have to go."

Now it's Liam who's confused. "Go where?"

"I've got things to do, Liam," Zayn says quickly, grabbing his coat and heading out the door before Liam can say goodbye.

Liam doesn't know whether to be relieved or worried about Zayn buying his lie. On the one hand, they _want_ Zayn to believe he's dating Nick, but on the other does Zayn accepting it so quickly mean that he doesn't really like Liam in "that way"? So he decides to call Nick to help him figure it out.

"Have you guys gotten together already?" Nick answers. "I knew my plan was good, but I didn't realize it would work that quickly."

"No, he totally bought it," Liam tells him.

"Great, so why are you calling me?" Nick asks.

"Because he bought it."

"Yeah I got that."

" _No_ , I mean," Liam sighs, trying to think of how to make Nick understand, "I know that's what we wanted but what if that means he doesn't actually like me."

"You have to give it time," Nick replies calmly. "You can't expect to see results so quickly. But eventually he's going to crack and tell you how he feels."

"And you're absolutely _sure_ about this?" Liam says.

"Positive," Nick answers. "Before I go is there anything on your mind?"

"Actually there is." Liam pauses before saying, "I may or may not have told him that we're going on a date tomorrow."

There's a few moments of silence on the other end before Liam hears a sigh and Nick say, "Fuck you, Payne, you so owe me for this."

"It wasn't even my idea!" Liam says.

"Whatever. I'll pick you up at eight babe." Liam can practically hear Nick's smirk.

"Ugh, please don't call me that. It's weird."

"Alright, see you tomorrow."

"See you."

Just as Liam presses the "end call" button he gets a text from Louis: _will you come over my vcr is broken._

Liam frowns before sending back, _why do you even have a vcr?_

Five seconds later he gets, _dont be a twat and fix my vcr._

Liam rolls his eyes and tells him that he'll be over in ten minutes.

***

Liam can think of a million things he'd been expecting to find when he walks into Louis' flat. Louis sitting in front of the TV crying because he can't fix his VCR (Liam still doesn't understand why he owns one). Louis doing yoga on the floor (that's actually happened more than Liam would like to admit). Even Louis and Harry fucking on the couch after finally getting their shit together. But the last thing he was expecting to find is Louis and Zayn making out against the kitchen counter.

"What the _fuck_?" Liam shouts, and Louis backs away from where he had Zayn pressed up against the counter.

"What does it look like we're doing?" Louis says, Zayn looking between the two of them with wide eyes.

"It _looks_ like you're making out with my best mate," Liam says, trying to hide the jealousy in his voice.

"Good, because that's exactly what we're doing," Louis replies smugly.

Liam stares at Zayn because he doesn't believe it. _Louis and Zayn?_ It just doesn't make any sense.

"When did this, er, when did this all happen?" Liam stammers.

"Recently," Louis says like it's no big deal.

Liam's still in shock and he can't do much more than say, "Do you still need your VCR fixed?"

Louis looks confused for a second before he remembers why he originally called Liam over and responds, "No, Zayn took care of that for me." He looks over at Zayn and winks, adding, "Among other things."

Liam just stands there with his mouth agape while Zayn stares down at the floor, shuffling his feet. "Right," Liam says slowly. "I should probably go and... er... see Nick. Because, you know, we're dating... and stuff."

"Wait, before you go, Liam," Louis says quickly before Liam can make his hasty retreat from this incredibly uncomfortable situation. "Zayn mentioned that you and Nick are going on a date tomorrow night."

_Could this possibly get_ any _worse?_ Liam thinks. "Yes," he replies, drawing out the "e".

"Would it be okay if we joined you?" Louis asks.

Liam's heart stops. _Apparently it can get worse_. "'We' being..."

"Me and Zayn of course," Louis says. "It'd be fun, you know, to go on a double date or whatever. And we could even invite Niall, Cher, and Demi, and Harry and Taylor could come too. If that's okay with you and Nick that is."

At this point Liam's so stunned that all he can do is nod and say, "Sure, I'll ask Nick and see if that's okay with him."

Louis grins. "Great, I'm sure you'll text me the details later, see you tomorrow, Liam."

"Yeah," Liam says as he walks out the door, letting it shut softly behind him.

"What the fuck just happened?" Liam wonders aloud before leaving the building.

***

"It just doesn't make any _sense_ ," Liam tells Niall later that night, pacing around the room. "I mean, they just don't seem like they'd be good together."

"And maybe that's why they'd be perfect together," Niall comments.

"Whose side are you on anyway?" Liam snaps.

"What do you mean whose side am I on?" Niall asks. "Louis told me you’re dating Nick so I just assumed that you were over Zayn."

Liam groans. "No, I'm _pretending_ to date Nick to make Zayn _jealous_. But clearly he doesn't want me, he wants _Louis_." Liam falls onto the couch beside Niall in defeat.

"So let me get this straight," Niall says after some thought, "you're still pathetically in love with Zayn but you're fake dating Nick to make him jealous."

"I wouldn't call it pathetic," Liam interjects softly.

"But now Zayn's with Louis," Niall finishes, ignoring Liam's interruption. "So what's your plan now?"

Liam throws up his hands in frustration. "I guess there is no plan. Zayn obviously doesn't like me the way I like him and I'm just going to have to accept that."

"Fuckin' hell," Niall yells suddenly, annoyed. "I'm surrounded by idiots!"

Liam raises an eyebrow. "What the hell are you even talking about, Niall?"

"Zayn _does_ feel the same way about you," Niall tells him. Liam's mouth falls open but Niall's far from finished. "He's been in love with you for _years_ , but you've been too blinded by your own bloody infatuation to notice. Have you ever realized that he always clears up his entire schedule just to watch a show or a movie with you? Or he'll only do things if you're okay with doing them as well. He always sits next to you. Sometimes he'll look at you like you're the most important person in the world. You're all he talks about when you're not around-- it's annoying as hell actually. So yeah, he's fucking gone for you mate."

Liam can't believe what Niall just said. There's no way, there's no fucking way Zayn is in love with him, he would've noticed. Or would he? Nick did say that Liam is the most oblivious person in the world. But what about...

"What about Louis?" Liam asks. "Or that girl I saw him having sex with last night? Or all the people he's slept with in the past years?"

Niall rolls his eyes and gives Liam a look as if it should be obvious. "He sleeps with all those people because he can't have you, Liam, and it helps him forget. And as for dating Louis, did you even think about why or how the hell they happened so quickly?"

It's like a switch goes off in Liam and he's realizing how stupid he had been. Of course it's fucking fake. There's no way in hell Zayn and Louis could have gotten together in those short thirty minutes between Liam talking on the phone to Nick and going over to Louis' to fix his VCR. Hell, Louis probably doesn't even own a VCR! Also, there's the fact that the entire time he'd been over there Zayn hadn't said a single word, and he spent the entire time staring at the floor. How could Liam have been so _dumb_?

"Fuck," Liam mutters. "I can't believe what an idiot I am."

"They're the idiots for thinking that you and Nick are actually dating," Niall tells him.

Liam leans back on the couch and asks Niall, "When did you become such a genius?"

Niall shrugs. "Probably around the same time I decided that being in a polyamorous relationship with both Cher and Demi is better than having to choose between them."

"Right," Liam nods, laughing.

"So what now?" Niall wonders. "Are you _finally_ going to tell Zayn how you feel?"

Liam almost says yes until another, _better_ , idea hits him. "No, I have an idea that will teach him not to fuck with me ever again."

"But you fucked with him first," Niall points out.

"Doesn't matter," Liam says. "But I'm going to need your help."

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

"We are going on a date."

"Who's going on a date?"

"You, me, Nick, Lou, Zayn, and Hazza."

"Well this can't be good."

***

"What the fuck do you think you're wearing?" is the first thing out of Liam's mouth when he meets Nick outside of the restaurant.

Nick looks down at himself and grins. It's not that he looks bad or anything it's just... over the top. Liam told him that the restaurant they're going to is nice, but nothing special and that he shouldn't wear anything too fancy. But obviously Nick had taken Liam's advice and thrown it right in the trash because he's wearing a tuxedo. An honest to god tuxedo that you only see celebrities wearing at the Oscars.

"Go big or go home," Nick replies, kissing Liam on the cheek.

Liam makes a face and wipes his cheek with his arm. "Right. So you know the game plan here, yeah?"

"Act as annoying and in love as possible until Zayn cracks and admits that he's only using Louis to make you jealous and that he's in love with you," Nick summarizes quickly, even though it had taken Liam almost an hour to explain the plan to him."I still don't see why you two can't just tell each other how you feel without these ridiculous schemes."

"It's better this way, trust me," Liam tells him, though he's not sure why he's doing this himself. Luckily, Nick doesn't seem to care for an explanation, so Liam just offers him a hand and says, "Shall we?"

Nick takes his hand and lets Liam lead him into the restaurant. The only other people that have already arrived are Harry and Taylor, who look even less like a couple than Liam and Nick. They all just kind of sit there awkwardly, not really knowing how to engage in conversation until Niall arrives with Demi and Cher.

"We're not too late, are we?" Niall asks as he takes a seat across from Liam, Demi and Cher on either side of him.

"No, you're right on time," Liam tells him, thankful that Niall's here so that he no longer has to sit in awkward silence with Nick, Harry, and Taylor.

They get a good conversation going. Demi asks Liam how his classes are going, Nick talks to Cher like he's interviewing her on his radio show, and Niall asks Taylor why she decided to go to school in England rather than in America, where she's from.

Louis and Zayn still haven't showed up by the time their waiter comes over and says, "Hello everyone, my name is Ed and I'll be your waiter this evening. Are you still waiting on someone?"

Liam vaguely recognizes him as the guy that was talking to Taylor and Harry at the bar the other night, and he guesses that Taylor remembers him too if her blush is anything to go by.

"Yeah," Cher answers for everyone, "we're still waiting on two people actually. They should be here any--"

"There they are," Niall cuts her off, gesturing toward the door that Louis and Zayn just walked through, their hair messy and their clothes in a disarray.

"Are you sure you don't just want to tell him?" Nick whispers, leaning in close so Liam is the only one that can hear him.

"I'm sure," Liam says, giving Nick's hand a squeeze under the table.

"Sorry we're late," Louis apologizes as he and Zayn sit down, Zayn choosing the seat right next to Liam. "We got a little caught up in--" He gives Zayn a look and smirks. "--studying."

Liam rolls his eyes and Niall says, "You guys are so stupid." Louis glares at him for that.

Ed clears his throat, bringing everyone's attention to him. "So now that you're all here, can I start you all off with something to drink?" He looks around, waiting for someone to speak up.

"Yes," Louis says loudly, "can you bring out a bottle of your finest wine?"

Ed blinks. "Our finest wine costs over a hundred quid. Are you sure you don't want to order something else?"

Louis makes an annoyed sound. "Fine, bring out your cheapest wine, and glasses for everyone."

"Okay," Ed says, scribbling on his notepad. "Would anyone like anything else?"

Since Louis ordered wine for all of them and there's already glasses of water out for them, everyone shakes their head, letting Ed know that they're good. Ed nods in acknowledgment and lets them know that he'll be back with their wine soon.

"So Lou," Nick says, "why'd you order us wine? What's the occasion?"

"Oh, you know," Louis replies, "just happiness, good health, and most importantly, friendship."

Niall chokes on his drink as he's taking a sip. "Yeah, we're all _great_ friends, aren't we?" he says after his coughing fit has died down. "And so close too. It's like we can tell each other anything." He looks pointedly at Liam and Zayn. "Anything at all."

Zayn shifts uncomfortably in his seat and Liam looks down at his lap and feels heat rising to his cheeks.

Ed comes out with the wine while another waiter sets glasses in front of all of them. After Ed's done pouring it for them he asks if they're ready to order. Once they're done ordering he leaves and the whole table falls into an uncomfortable silence as everyone sips their wine.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Nick announces suddenly. He looks at Liam expectantly and asks, "Would you like to accompany me?"

"You can't go yourself?" Liam says, wondering why Nick wants him to come with.

"No, I can't," Nick says, and with that, he's up and out of his seat, dragging Liam along with him. When they get to the bathroom Nick locks the door.

"What the hell are you doing?" Liam questions.

"Bathroom sex," Nick replies, grinning. He reaches over and messes up Liam's hair and untucks part of his shirt. He then does the same to himself, unbuttoning his waistcoat partway and loosening his bowtie a bit. Then he reaches in his pocket and produces two cherry red suckers.

"What are those for?" Liam asks as Nick hands him one.

Nick pops his into his mouth and answers, "Obviously I made you come in here with me so I could give you a blowjob. And obviously you're a gentleman so you returned the favor."

Liam gapes at him. "You want them to think that we actually came in here to--"

"Just eat your damn sucker, Liam," Nick snaps. "Hopefully by the time we're done our food will be out."

Liam unwraps his sucker and sucks on it. "I can't believe you actually brought suckers with you. Were you planning to do this ahead of time?"

Nick winks at him. "Go big or go home, Liam."

It takes them another ten minutes to finish their suckers. When they're done their lips are nice and wet and pink, and Liam has to admit, Nick is kind of a genius. They exit the bathroom and find their food waiting for them and all of their friends already eating.

"We would've waited for you," Niall says with his mouth full, "but it just looked so damn good."

"That's okay," Nick tells him. "We were a little busy eating something else in the bathroom."

Zayn probably shouldn't have been taking a drink of his wine right then because it ends up all over his food and the tablecloth in front of him. He doesn't even have time to react before Louis' grabbing him and kissing him on the mouth. Louis fists his hand in Zayn's hair and is practically sitting on Zayn's lap he's so into it. Liam has to give Louis props for being so convincing.

Everyone else at the table gapes at the two of them and Harry blurts, "I'm so confused." Zayn and Louis stop making out and everyone turns to look at him. "Are Zayn and Louis dating? And Nick and Liam, what's your deal?"

The four of them exchange glances. Apparently, it had slipped all of their minds to tell Harry and Taylor what was going on between all of them.

"Yes, Haz," Louis responds, "Zayn and I are dating. And so are Nick and Liam."

"Me and Liam aren't dating," Nick says, and Liam, Louis, and Zayn all whip their heads around to look at him with confused expressions.

"You're not?" Zayn says softly.

"Nope," Nick says, smirking. "We're engaged."

Everyone's jaw drops and it would be so funny to Liam if it wasn't happening to him right now. Nick, however, smiles and crosses his arms, leaning back on his chair and looking satisfied about shocking everyone into silence.

Zayn is the first to break the silence when he suddenly stands up and shouts, "Okay, cut the bullshit, I know you're faking."

Liam stands up too and glares at him. "We are _not_. We're very much in love and we're getting married."

Zayn laughs. "Give it up, Liam. I know you don't really like Nick."

"How would you know if we're faking or not anyway?" Liam demands.

"Because you're not stupid enough to actually engaged to Nick after being with him for only two days," Zayn tells him, then adds quietly, "And Niall told me."

Liam turns his glare to Niall now. "I thought you were on my side, Niall!"

"I'm not on anyone's side!" Niall denies. "I just thought that if I told the two of you that you were in love with each other that you would tell each other yourselves. I didn't realize how insane you both are."

"Wait," Zayn says, turning his attention from Niall back to Liam, "you knew that me and Louis weren't really dating?"

"I--" Liam hesitates, trying to come up with some kind of explanation so he doesn't sound crazy, but he knows it's useless, and that Niall's right, he should have just told Zayn how he felt instead of continuing the charade. "Yes," he finally answers honestly.

Zayn throws his hands up in the air in disbelief. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't you?" Liam counters.

"I'm confused again," Harry interrupts. "So, Louis and Zayn aren't dating, and Nick and Liam aren't engaged? They were just doing it to make each other jealous?"

Nick, Liam, and Zayn nod but Louis says, "And you."

"And me what?" Harry asks confused.

Louis sighs and explains, "Liam dated Nick to make Zayn jealous. Zayn dated me to make Liam jealous. And I dated Zayn to make you jealous."

Now Harry looks even more confused, and Liam feels the same. "What?" Harry repeats.

"I'm in love with you, Harry," Louis states bluntly.

At first Harry looks surprised at Louis' admission and then he gets annoyed. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" People from other tables turn to look at him, but Harry barrels on. "I've only been dating Taylor this entire time to make _you_ jealous, Louis!"

Louis' mouth opens but Taylor speaks instead, "Wait, you're dating me to make _Louis_ jealous? Harry, I was only dating you to make _Ed_ jealous."

"Ed the waiter?" Demi asks.

"You like me?" Ed asks at the same time. Everyone turns to look at him surprised; no one had realized he was standing there.

" _Yes_ ," Taylor says and Ed grins so wide that Liam thinks it must hurt.

"So basically," Niall says, "everyone is only dating each other to make someone else jealous?" Everyone exchanges a look and nods. Niall groans. "Are you fucking serious? Why can't anyone just talk about their fucking feelings? I'm in a fucking threesome and my relationship is _still_ less confusing than yours."

Everyone remains silent after Niall's outburst. Now that Niall's said it, they all realize what complete idiots they'd been.

Louis is the first to do something. He stands up and walks over to where Harry's already standing and kisses him. It's so different from the way he had kissed Zayn, less like he's trying to prove something and more like he's actually enjoying himself.

Ed is the next person to act. He kneels down next to Taylor and asks her on a date and kisses her when she says yes.

Niall, Demi, and Cher get up then. They don't even say anything, they just leave with one last look around the table as if to say, "Our work here is done."

Nick moves after that. He gives Liam a hug, says, "Good luck," and leaves.

Zayn is the last to do something. He cups Liam's face in his hand and leans in like he's going to kiss him but then he whispers, "I'm sorry."

Liam furrows his brow in confusion. "For what?"

"For not telling you sooner," Zayn says. "For sleeping with all those people when I should've been sleeping with you. For pretending to date Louis instead of just telling you how I feel."

"I'm sorry for pretending to date Nick," Liam says. "And for walking in on you that one night. _And_ for still not being done with _Game of Thrones_."

Zayn laughs and his lips are almost touching Liam's. "' _I am yours, and you are mine_ ,'" he quotes softly.

"You know nothing, Zayn Malik," Liam jokes, his laugh cut off when Zayn finally presses his lips against Liam's. It's so much better than Liam was expecting and all he can think is, _Totally worth the wait_.

It doesn't get much farther than that because soon enough Ed is interrupting them, asking, "Would you like the check now?"

***

"Wait, who is that again?" Liam asks, pointing at the screen.

Zayn groans because this is like the tenth time he's asked this in just one episode. "That's Theon Greyjoy, remember? I made you read the books so we wouldn't have this problem!"

"It's still hard to keep everyone straight!" Liam protests. "The only ones that really stand out are the Starks and Khaleesi."

" _Daenerys_ , Liam," Zayn corrects. "Her name is _Daenerys_ , not Khaleesi."

"Whatever," Liam says, waving him off. "Now, shh, Robb Stark is on the screen."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "I knew Robb would be your favorite."

"And let me guess," Liam retorts, "Jon Snow is yours."

"Yeah, so?"

"Nothing."

It's only quiet for a few more minutes before they're interrupted again, this time by the door opening instead of Liam.

"Hello!" Nick greets cheerfully.

"Shh!" Liam and Zayn hush him and Nick groans.

"Do you guys ever do anything except watch TV?" Nick asks, leaning over the couch. "Do you even go to class?"

They hush him again, Liam hitting him with a pillow this time for emphasis. Nick puts his hands up in defeat and walks to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, during a fight scene, Nick asks, "I need a favor."

Zayn sighs and pauses it so Liam and Nick can talk without interrupting the show. "What do you want?" Liam asks.

Nick grins and hops onto the couch beside him. "I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend."

Zayn rolls his eyes and Liam says, "I thought we were past this, Nick. Just tell whoever it is how you feel."

"It's not about making someone jealous, I'm not _that_ dumb," Nick says, and Liam and Zayn glare at him. "No, it's this family reunion that I have to go to. My mum is going to be on my case the entire time when she finds out I'm still not dating anyone. It's just easier to tell everyone that I'm dating you for a day because it's not like anyone cares enough to question it."

"Or you could just be honest with everyone," Zayn suggests.

Nick ignores him and says to Liam, "C'mon Payne, you owe me for last time."

Liam buries his face in Zayn's shoulder, embarrassed. "Let's not talk about that ever again."

"I won't talk about it ever again if you come to my family reunion with me," Nick says. "Deal?"

Liam looks up and groans, because he knows that no matter what, Nick is going to get him to agree with this. "Deal," he mutters and Nick grins.

Liam still doesn't know if Nick Grimshaw's friendship is a blessing or a curse.


End file.
